Music and Lyric

THE SOUL MAN IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE – LOLLI, YOU MAY WANT TO AVERT YOUR EYES

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO WATCH IS NOT PRETTY – DADDY, PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S NOT YOUR GOLDEN GLOVE TAPE AGAIN THEY DIDN'T CHEAT CLEARLY, THE MAN KNOCKED YOU OUT – AS USUAL, MY SON PASTOR BONEHEAD HAS ENDANGERED HIS PEACEFUL FLOCK BY LETTING SLIP THE WOLVES OF CONTROVERSY

SISTER PEARLY ACCIDENTALLY RECORDED THIS LAST NIGHT WHEN SHE WAS TRYING TO CATCH NEWS ANCHORS BLINKING SATANIC MESSAGES IN CODE – YOU HAVE CERTAINLY SET UP THE CREDIBILITY OF WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE – THERE IT IS [R&B music plays] ♪ ♪ – ♪ COME ON BABY ♪ – OH, HONEY! I WANNA HAVE SEX WICHOO THAT'S YOUR JAM

I LOVE THAT SONG, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE I'M THE 'CHOO – [laughs] LOOK AT THAT SOME YOUNG VISIONARY REMIXED MY MAGIC AND MADE SOME NEW MAGIC BLESS THEIR HEART – ♪ I BE A DIRTY LITTLE [bleep] ♪ ♪ I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR STUFF ♪ ♪ I'M THE PREACHER'S DAUGHTER BUT I LIKE IT ROUGH ♪ ♪ I'LL GIVE YOU HOLY WATER IF YOU GOT A [bleep] ♪ – OKAY, NO, NO, NO

– ♪ WE GET TO KISSIN' AND [bleep] ♪ ♪ WE GET TO LICKIN' AND [bleep] ♪ ♪ WE GET TO TOUCHIN' AND [bleep] ♪ ♪ NEXT THING WILL BE AHHH ♪ – OKAY, I HAVE NEVER HEARD SUCH DISGUSTING LANGUAGE – SON, YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS – OH, NO I DIDN'T GIVE THAT GIRL PERMISSION TO SAMPLE MY SONG HOW AM I RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? – KEEP WATCHING

– HAVE A NICE DAY – UNPROTECTED SEX WICHOO, BY LYRICAL B? AS IN LYRIC "CAME OUT OF MY WOMB" BALLENTINE? – THAT'S CORRECT YOUR DAUGHTER – NO, NO, DAD

MY DAUGHTER WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT HOWEVER, YOUR DAUGHTER IS OUT OF CONTROL [soul music] ♪ ♪ – ♪ THE SOUL MAN ♪ – OH, HEY – HEY – WHAT'S GOING ON? – OH, JUST DROPPING THIS OFF FOR LOLLI

OH, AND ONE MORE THING– A GIRL WALKS INTO A CROWDED BAR – YEAH – KISSES YOU AS HARD AS SHE CAN, AND YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING? – I DON'T GET IT

– IT'S NOT A JOKE WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME? – I DON'T KNOW, I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT – AN ACCIDENT? LIKE I JUST TRIPPED AND FELL ONTO YOUR MOUTH? – WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'D BE SURPRISED AT HOW MANY TIMES THAT'S HAPPENED BEFORE – WHAT ABOUT THAT? WAS THAT AN ACCIDENT? – YOU BETTER TRY ONE MORE TIME – MM, OKAY, OKAY, UH-UH

WE NEED TO, YOU KNOW, SLOW DOWN, AND TALK ABOUT WHAT THIS IS EXACTLY BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER PHYSICALLY – RIGHT – [laughs] – RIGHT GOOD IDEA SO LET'S TALK

– OKAY [clears throat] – WORD OF ADVICE– DON'T EVER HAVE DAUGHTERS – I AIN'T HAVING NO BABIES I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT – THAT IS JUST RUDE

– YOU KNOW, DAUGHTERS AIN'T GONNA DO NOTHING BUT JUST GROW UP AND JUST STAB YOU IN THE BACK STAMPS, BUTTON UP YOUR SHIRT YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW IS HERE SHOW SOME RESPECT STAMPS, COME AND HOLLER AT ME, SON! – SAY, BRO, WHAT DID LYRIC DO TO GET YOU SO WORKED UP? – SHE DONE SAMPLED ONE OF MY SONGS, THEN MADE A VIDEO WITH AN ORGY OF WRITHING HALF-NAKED BODIES

– DOES THIS MEAN YOU FAILED AS A PARENT? I'M SORRY MY BAD, MY BAD – NOW, LOLLI'S GOING UP THERE AND DRAGGING HER BACK FROM THAT BOARDING SCHOOL I'M GONNA SUE THEM AND GET MY MONEY BACK WE SENT HER UP THERE TO GET A LEG UP ON LIFE, NOT WRAP ONE AROUND SOME DANCER'S NECK

– MOM, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING I'VE GOT MY OWN VOICE I DON'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION TO EXPRESS MYSELF HEY, UNCLE S – HEY

– HI, DADDY – HELLO, SWEETHEART HOW YOU DOING? – I'M GOOD – ALL RIGHT HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? WHERE DID YOU GET THE IDEA THAT IT WAS OKAY TO SHAKE YOUR BUTT IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE? – WATCHING MOM IN YOUR OLD VIDEOS

– [stammering] BOYCE, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME TO DROP IT LIKE IT WAS HOT – YOU WERE SOMEBODY ELSE'S DAUGHTER I DIDN'T CARE – LOOK, GUYS, IT'S JUST PART OF MY STAGE PERSONA BESIDES, I'M 18

YOU REALLY CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE – UH, LYRIC, I'M 35 YOU'D THINK THAT WOULD BE TRUE, BUT IT'S NOT – LYRIC, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE UNDER OUR ROOF, YOU'RE GONNA FOLLOW OUR RULES – I DON'T LIVE UNDER YOUR ROOF

– WELL, AS LONG AS WE PAY FOR SCHOOL, YOU WILL FOLLOW OUR RULES – I'LL PAY FOR SCHOOL MYSELF WITH ALL THE MONEY I'M MAKING FROM iTUNES – OKAY, ALL RIGHT, MS "I KNOW THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING," IT'S MY SONG, AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHTS TO USE IT – IT'S NOT YOUR SONG

YOU SIGNED THE PUBLISHING RIGHTS OVER TO ME THE DAY I WAS BORN, REMEMBER? – YEAH, WELL NOW THAT YOU BRING IT UP AS A PART OF YOUR AIR-TIGHT ARGUMENT, I DO – YOU REALLY DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH, DID YOU? – YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GONNA HAVE ALL THIS TALKING BACK I DO NOT KNOW WHERE ALL THIS ATTITUDE IS COMING FROM, BUT I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU – AND I HAVE HAD IT TOO AND WHEN WE BOTH HAVE HAD IT, YOU DON'T WANT IT

– OKAY I THINK YOU GUYS NEED TO GO TO YOUR ROOM, AND WHEN YOU CAN DISCUSS THIS RATIONALLY, WE CAN TALK [both stammering] both: FINE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME NOTHIN'! – WHAT'S UP? YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED? – HELL IF I KNOW – I DON'T WANT TO GO TO MY ROOM

– YOU NEED TO GET THAT GIRL OF YOURS UNDER CONTROL WHEN I WAS IN BOOT CAMP, ALL IT TOOK WAS A BAR OF SOAP IN A SOCK YOUR PROBLEM IS SHE DOESN'T HAVE A HEALTHY FEAR OF YOU – I CAN'T – YOU'VE GOTTA BE FIRM WITH LYRIC, LIKE I WAS WITH YOU

– SO YOU'RE SAYING WHOOP HER WITH A HOT WHEEL TRACK? – YOU NEVER TRIED TO TUMBLE DRY YOUR BROTHER AGAIN – AT HOME WHY YOU THINK I WANTED MY ALLOWANCE IN QUARTERS? LOOK, DADDY, WE'RE NOT USING YOUR TACTICS TO RAISE OUR DAUGHTER – KIDS SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD UNLESS YOU'RE WHOOPIN' THEM

AND THEN A LITTLE NOISE IS ACCEPTABLE – THAT MAN IS WRONG, ALL RIGHT? WE'RE NOT USING THOSE TACTICS THAT'S WHY I LEFT THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 17 IT WAS HARD ON ME OUT THERE, LOLLI I LIVED IN MY CAR FOR EIGHT MONTHS

NOTHING BUT AM RADIO AND THE WINTERS WERE COLDER BACK THEN AND WOLF PACKS RULED THE NIGHT

– OH-HO, OKAY LET'S BRING THE CURTAIN DOWN, ALL RIGHT? DON'T GO ALL AUGUST WILSON ON ME WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT LYRIC? – YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY IT, BABE, BUT I THINK SHE'S GOT US BOXED IN IF WE KEEP YELLING AT HER, ALL THAT'S GONNA DO IS PUSH HER AWAY – AND WE CAN'T TAKE YOUR DADDY'S ADVICE AND BEAT HER

– YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVE AN IDEA LET'S BE HER MANAGERS – [gasps] – THAT WAY, WE CAN HELP HER AVOID THE PITFALLS OF THE MUSIC BUSINESS, MANAGE HER CREATIVE VISION, AND FULFILL HER DREAMS – ALL THE WHILE, MANIPULATING HER LITTLE BUTT INTO DOING EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT HER TO DO, RIGHT? – I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD BE TALKING IN A LABORATORY RIGHT NOW [both laugh] – SO SINCE, YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T CONTROL OURSELVES WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER, I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, WE COME TO THE CHURCH, 'CAUSE IT'S A SAFE PLACE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT WHAT WE WANT TO DO NEXT

– WELL, I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX HERE – SO OKAY, LET'S TALK – OKAY, ALL RIGHT, AND I'M GONNA GO FIRST – OKAY – ARE WE INSANE? – PROBABLY

– MY TURN – OKAY – ARE WE RELATED? – STAMPS, I'M YOUR BROTHER'S SISTER-IN-LAW THAT'S NOT A THING – WELL, LOOK, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME

YOU KNOW, IF WE GOT SOMETHING REAL, I DON'T WANNA MESS IT UP – GOOD WELL, THEN, LET'S JUST, YOU KNOW, FIGURE OUT WHAT WE HAVE BEFORE WE RUSH INTO THINGS – I AGREE – OKAY

– LET'S GO – YEAH – ALL RIGHT – [sighs] – AFTER YOU – THAT WAS A GOOD TALK

– OKAY I KNOW THIS IS WRONG, BUT IT ONLY TAKES SIX TO EIGHT MINUTES – THAT'S IT? – WELL, I'M EXCITED, BUT I PROMISE I'LL DO MY BEST [both chuckling] – YEAH – WOW

– STUDIO "B" ST LOUIS SOUND YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHERE I LAID DOWN SOME TRACKS FOR MY SECOND ALBUM– KARMA KINDA SUITS-YA – OH, BOY, WE GOT IT IN IN HERE

IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, BOY – THEY WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING, BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER'S HERE – OH – I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BE MY MANAGERS DAD, THIS STUDIO IS BANANAS! – OH, I CAN MERK SOME TRACKS UP IN HERE

BRING MY MAINS N'EM AND GET CRAY-CRAY WHAT! [laughs] – SO YOU JUST GOT WITH YOUR LITTLE CREW AND JUST GAVE UP SPEAKING ENGLISH? – BABY, JUST LOOK AT THEM, COCK YOUR HEAD, AND SAY "'SUP" both: 'SUP – DAD, THIS IS REALLY NICE I DID UNPROTECTED SEX WICHOO IN THE BATHROOMS AT THE DORM

– OKAY, THERE ARE EIGHT WORDS A FATHER NEVER WANTS TO HEAR, AND SOMEHOW YOU JUST PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER – SWEETIE, TOMORROW, DOWN AT THE SALON, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PUBLICITY SHOOT FOR YOU – WHAT? – WE'RE GONNA TAKE SOME PICTURES THAT'LL ROLL OUT RIGHT BEFORE YOUR RECORD DROPS – [shrieks] I'M GONNA BLOW UP! I'M GONNA BE POPPIN' BOTTLES IN VIP WITH ALL THE BALLERS AND DRIVIN' THAT LITTLE VICIOUS DROP-TOP WHIP WHAT! [laughs] – WHAT! – LOOK, LYRIC, YOU KNOW, SO I WANTED FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS TO, UM, BE LIKE A NAT KING COLE, NATALIE COLE KIND OF FEEL

LIKE UNFORGETTABLE NAT KING COLE? ANYTHING? – WAS HE THE ONE WITH THE MERRY OLD SOUL? – NO, THAT WAS ANOTHER DUDE ALL RIGHT, SO ANYWAY, YOU KNOW THE MELODY – MM-HMM – ALL RIGHT, WE WORKED ON THAT

AND SO WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS LAY DOWN THE FIRST PART, AND THEN YOU COME IN AND JUST DO YOUR THING – ALL RIGHT – ALL RIGHT – [clears throat] – HEY, GO AHEAD [R&B music plays] – YEAH

YEAH, CHECK IT ♪ I AM ME BECAUSE OF YOU ♪ ♪ EVERYTHING I SAY AND DO ♪ ♪ AND IF YOU LOSE YOUR WAY I'M THERE TO SEE YOU THROUGH ♪ ♪ I AM ME BECAUSE OF YOU ♪ – ♪ YO, THIS IS THE BEST IT GETS BEEN AROUND THE WORLD ♪ ♪ DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL, [bleep] BITCHES WANNA BE ME ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I'M AN INDIE LIKE IFC ♪ ♪ SO [bleep] [bleep] ♪ ♪ ME AND MY DAD DRESSED IN BLACK ♪ ♪ IN A [bleep] [bleep] CADILLAC ♪ ♪ TOP RACKS ON [bleep] ♪ ♪ SETTIN' 'EM UP LIKE QUARTERS ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE NOTHING COMES BETWEEN A FATHER AND HIS DAUGHTER ♪ ♪ UNH, LYRICS ♪ [squeaks] – WHAT THE [bleep] IS WRONG WITH YOU? – LOOK, LITTLE MISSY, I DON'T LIKE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE – AND I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOUR LANGUAGE LANGUAGE – MY LANGUAGE IS MY ART, DAD – WHOA, WHOA, DON'T CALL ME "DAD

" SOMEBODY MIGHT MISTAKE ME FOR ONE OF YOUR PARENTS – YEAH, I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT EITHER YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY MANAGER – THAT'S RIGHT AND AS YOUR MANAGER, I WANT TO ADVISE YOU THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO ALIENATE HALF OF YOUR AUDIENCE

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT THE OLDER PEOPLE? – BUT I GOTTA KEEP IT 100 I GOTTA SPEAK MY MIND – WELL, YOUR MIND HAS A DIRTY LITTLE MOUTH – OH, MAN, I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOLER THAN THIS – [stammering] – BOYCE, LET ME HANDLE THIS

– YEAH, YOU BETTER HANDLE IT, 'CAUSE IF I GOT TO HANDLE THIS, I–WHOO! – LISTEN, ALL RIGHT, YOU GOTTA CUT YOUR DADDY SOME SLACK WE KNOW LYRIC WE DON'T KNOW "LYRICAL B" – MOM, BUT IT'S NOT FAIR JAY Z AND EMINEM AND KANYE RAP LIKE THIS, AND DAD'S GOT THEM ON HIS iPOD

WHY IS IT DIFFERENT FOR ME? – UH, BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS DON'T LOVE THEM? LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN PEOPLE DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR SELF-EXPRESSION A LOT OF THE CHURCH MEMBERS DIDN'T THAT I WOULD MAKE A GOOD FIRST LADY BECAUSE MY DRESSES SHOWED OFF TOO MUCH OF MY BLESSINGS

– SEE, MOM, I LOVE THE WAY YOUR STYLE SAYS WHO YOU ARE YOUR SWAG IS CRAZY – OH, HONEY, YOU MAY HAVE LOST YOUR WAY, BUT YOU'VE STILL GOT GOOD TASTE LOOK, I KNOW YOU WANT TO KEEP IT 100, BUT YOUR DADDY IS A PASTOR NOW, SO YOU REMEMBER THAT BEFORE YOU GO OUT THERE AND GET ALL THE WAY TURNT UP – [laughs] I FEEL YOU, MOM

– YOU DIDN'T KNOW I KNEW THAT – HEY, YO, WE OUT LET'S HIT THAT COLD STONE, SON – WHERE'S DADDY'S LITTLE THUG GOING? TO PLAY "FILTHY WORDS WITH FRIENDS"? – LYRIC AND I TALKED, AND SHE DOES HAVE A POINT ABOUT SELF-EXPRESSION SHE REMINDS ME A LOT OF YOU, BOYCE

– SHE IS NOTHING LIKE ME – REMEMBER WHEN YOUR RECORD LABEL SAID THAT I WANNA HAVE SEX WICHOO WAS TOO RAUNCHY FOR THE RADIO? – YOU STOOD UP FOR YOUR ARTISTIC VISION, AND THE REST IS MUSIC HISTORY – YEAH, I DID DO THAT, DIDN'T I? [chuckles] I WAS A BIT OF A REBEL BACK THEN – LISTEN, NO ONE IS GONNA WIN THIS WAR OF WILLS BETWEEN YOU AND MINI-YOU, ALL RIGHT? LET ME DO THE MOM THING AT THE PHOTO SHOOT TOMORROW I CAN CONTROL HER

SHE LIKES MY STYLE SHE SAID I HAD SWAG – REALLY? SHE TOLD ME I HAD LONG NOSE HAIRS YOU KNOW THAT'S HEREDITARY – OKAY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT A LITTLE EXTRA IN THE COLLECTION PLATE THIS WEEK, AND BY WE, I MEAN YOU, 'CAUSE I AIN'T GOT NO MONEY – WELL, THAT WAS AMAZING

– IT GETS MY STAMPS OF APPROVAL – DON'T RUIN IT, STAMPS SO WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT? DO WE TELL BOYCE AND LOLLI? – NO, NO, NO, I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD TELL LOLLI MM-MM, NO SHE'S VERY PROTECTIVE OF YOU

AND SHE THINKS THAT I'M NOT GOOD FOR ANYBODY, ERGO – YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME OH, AND LOOK AT YOU, USING "ERGO

" SO YOU THINK WE SHOULD KEEP THIS DIRTY LITTLE AFFAIR A SECRET? – DEFINITELY – GOOD TALK – WE SHOULD TALK AGAIN – YOU SURE YOU CAN TALK TWICE IN ONE DAY? – GIVE ME ANOTHER HOUR, I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER NINE MINUTES – HUH? – OH, WOW

BABY, THIS LOOKS JUST LIKE HEAVEN IT SEEMS A SHAME TO WASTE IT ON THE DEVIL CHILD – BOYCE, SHE'S IN THE BACK CHANGING SHE LOVED THE OUTFIT I PICKED OUT FOR HER IT'S NICE AND TASTEFUL

THAT'S HOW MAMA DOES IT NICE AND CALM [shouting] HEY, YOU! YOU'RE TRACKING FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER HEAVEN! – BOYCE, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN HERE? SISTER PEARLY SAY YOU MAKING A PORNO! – OKAY, IN THIS SCENE, YOU'RE GONNA BE DELIVERING PIZZA, AND WHEN THE SEXY COED SAYS SHE CAN'T PAY, SO YOU GOT TO ♪ WAH-WACKA-WOW-WUH-WAH ♪ – THAT'S REAL FUNNY, SON MUST BE STANDING ROOM ONLY TONIGHT IN SATAN'S LAUGH HOLE – LIGHTEN UP, DADDY, ALL RIGHT? WE JUST SHOOTING A FEW NICE PUBLICITY PHOTOS FOR LYRIC IT'S NO BIG DEAL – [gasps] OH, MY GOD! LYRIC BALLENTINE! – YOU SHOULDN'T BE SENDING HER TO BOARDING SCHOOL

YOU SHOULD BE SENDING HER TO WATER-BOARDING SCHOOL! – YOU REALLY DON'T LIKE CHILDREN, DO YOU? – LYRIC BALLENTINE! – LOLLI, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA DO THE MOM THING – BOYCE, I PROMISE YOU, TEN MINUTES AGO SHE COULD HAVE WORN THIS TO CHURCH – OH, NO, I JUST TWEAKED IT SO I COULD TWERK IT HI, GRANDPA! – HI, SWEETHEART

– OH – YOU COMING BY LATER TO PLAY MONOPOLY? – YOU KNOW IT [both laughing] – THAT'S MY GRANDBABY

CRUSH THIS! – FIRE UP THAT CAMERA, BRUH – HEY, NO, OH, HEY, NO! NO, YOU AIN'T FIRING UP NOTHING, BRUH! – DADDY! – NOBODY'S TAKING NO PICTURE OF NOTHING YOU GET THAT–KEITH? GET OUTTA HERE, MAN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? – MOM, STOP! YOU'RE STILL TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD! – BECAUSE YOU ARE A CHILD, AND YOU'RE SHOWING WAY TOO MUCH BOOB – THAT IS NOT BOOB THAT IS SIDE BOOB

– OKAY, THERE SHOULD BE NO BOOB ON VIEW– SIDE OR OTHERWISE! – I'M JUST SHOWING OFF MY BLESSINGS – WHO DOES THAT SOUND LIKE? LOOK, LYRIC, NOW, I KNOW YOU HAVE TALENT, AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY AND AS YOUR MANAGER, I WANT YOU TO SAY WHAT YOU WANNA SAY, THE WAY YOU WANNA SAY IT – IT'S ABOUT TIME, DADDY – NO, NO, NO, THAT WAS YOUR MANAGER TALKING

NOW, AS YOUR DADDY, I CAN'T HAVE YOU PRANCING AROUND HERE HALF-NAKED, CUSSING LIKE PAULA DEEN AT THE APOLLO! – BUT THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA LIGHT ME ON FIRE – IF WE DON'T DO IT FIRST – SO YOU SEE WHAT MY PROBLEM IS NOW – NO I SEE WHAT MY PROBLEM IS NOW

IF MY DAD AND MY MANAGER DON'T START GETTING ALONG, ONE OF THEM IS GONNA GET FIRED – WELL, YOU CAN'T FIRE YOUR DADDY, AND YOUR MANAGER QUITS– SO PROBLEM SOLVED! – PROBLEM ALMOST SOLVED NOW GET YOUR BEHIND IN THERE, TAKE OFF ALL THIS STRIPPER GLITTER, AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! – AND GET YOUR BUTT BACK UP TO BOARDING SCHOOL AND TAKE YOUR LITTLE TRUST FUND THUGS WITH YOU! – I'M FINISHING SCHOOL, DAD I'M NOT AN IDIOT BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GIVE UP MY MUSIC

YOU'RE NOT THE MAYOR OF SHOW BUSINESS – OH, REALLY? WELL, I DO KNOW HIM I HAVE DR COSBY ON SPEED-DIAL – THAT'S AN HONORARY DEGREE

– BOYCE I THINK WE GOT TO THE POINT WHERE WE DONE ALL WE CAN THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO FOR LYRIC IS TO TURN HER OVER TO GOD

– YOU RIGHT, BABY COME ON LET'S JUST PRAY FOR HER RIGHT NOW COME ON – MM

– [sighs] DEAR LORD I PRAY THAT MY DADDY STILL GOT SOME HOT WHEEL TRACKS UP IN THE ATTIC AMEN

– WELL, IN OUR SHORT TIME AS LYRIC'S MANAGER, SHE PUT OUT A SINGLE SO DIRTY, IT'S GOT A PARENTAL ADVISORY ON IT AND SHE'S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES UP WHEN YOU GOOGLE "BALLENTINE, SEMI-NUDE" – WELL, AT LEAST IT COMES UP BEFORE THAT PICTURE OF YOU SITTING IN A LIBRARY WITH YOUR SHIRT OFF – IT WAS A BET I WASN'T GONNA LOSE $30

AT LEAST SOME GOOD CAME OUT OF THIS WHOLE THING – YEAH? LIKE WHAT – I GOT A CALL FROM MY OLD RECORD LABEL TODAY APPARENTLY, THIS WHOLE THING HAS SPARKED SOME INTEREST IN THE "ORIGINAL FORMULA"– BOYCE BALLENTINE – WHAT? – YEAH, THEY WANT ME TO RECORD A NEW SINGLE

– OH, HONEY! MY BABY AND MY BABY DADDY ON THE CHARTS AT THE SAME TIME! – YEAH YOU KNOW, WE'LL BE LIKE BILLY RAY CYRUS AND THAT NASTY LITTLE GIRL OF HIS – I GOT A SERIOUS QUESTION – OKAY – LEBRON JAMES

– LEBRON JAMES – OR MICHAEL JORDAN – OH, SO– SEE, SHE BROUGHT– SHE BROUGHT THE SPORTSCENTER UP IN ME HERE

YOU KNOW WHAT? I MEAN, I'M FROM THAT ERA, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? SO I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH MICHAEL JORDAN ON THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? [cheers and applause] AND THEN, YOU KNOW– AND IT'S NOT THE FACT THAT HE SENDS ME BOXES OF SHOES AND SWEAT SUITS AND HE'LL PROBABLY GET THIS TAPE SOMEWHERE AND SPONSORING MY GOLF TOURNAMENT YOU KNOW, NONE OF THOSE THINGS MAKE– UH, WHAT I'M SAYING BUT AS YOU KNOW– BUT I DO FEEL LIKE LEBRON IS A GREAT ATHLETE

I GIVE HIM HIS PROPS FOR, YOU KNOW, BEING WHO HE IS IN THIS DAY BUT IF I'M GONNA GO STRAIGHT-UP BASKETBALL, I'M GOIN' MJ ALL DAY [cheers and applause] 23! – SO MY QUESTION IS: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ONE OF YOUR KIDS ACTED LIKE LYRIC DID IN THIS EPISODE – BEAT HER – BEAT HER? GET THAT RAZOR STRAP OUT! [laughter] – DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST JOKE YOU EVER WROTE? – I DO, UH, YOU KNOW

IT WAS A LOT OF JOKES, BUT I USED TO SING FIRST, SO– – CAN YOU SING SOMETHING FOR US REAL QUICK? – NO NO, NO AND I ALWAYS DID, LIKE, CHURCH AND STUFF SO ONE OF MY FIRST JOKES WAS ABOUT, LIKE, A PREACHER GOING TO MCDONALD'S AND I JUST– I REMEMBER THAT

AND IT WAS JUST, LIKE, YOU KNOW, BACK IN THE DAY, A PREACHER BE– HE ALWAYS GO TO MCDONALD'S HE A PREACHER, ORDERING LIKE, "FIRST GET ME A BIG MAC" BUT–NO, BUT– [laughs] "FIRST, GIVE ME A–I WANT A BIG MAC WITH TWO ALL-BEEF PATTIES, "SPECIAL SAUCE, LETTUCE, CHEESE, "PICKLES AND ONIONS, ON A SESAME SEED BUN "BUT YOU SEE, I AIN'T THROUGH YET I GOT A COUPON FOR SOME FREE FRIES

" THE DOORS OF THE CHURCH WILL OPEN [laughter, applause] [soul music] ♪ ♪ – ♪ THE SOUL MAN ♪

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