My Postpartum Depression Story – Emotional Trigger Warning

hey guys! Shawn here I'm sitting in my bedroom to film this

Baby girl is taking a nap In today's video I will be sharing my story of my struggle with postpartum depression My hope is that if you are currently struggling with postpartum depression then you will realize that you are not alone and that there is hope on the other side of this struggle And that you can make it through it So I hope that my story inspires you

If this is the first time you are here, I post new content every Tuesday on faith and motherhood and this is the first of a three-part series If I have already filmed the other two than they will be linked in the description box below If not, then stay tuned Hit that subscribe button while you are here Let's jump into today's video

All right so how did I know that I was depressed and what were my symptoms? I am just going to Google We're gonna read through the symptoms and then I'm gonna tell you what symptoms I had with my postpartum depression with my first child He's now 10 years old so this was a while back that I first struggled with postpartum depression On the Google it says "postpartum depression people may experience mood anger" Yes I had anger

anxiety yes I had anxiety guilt yes I had guilt I couldn't spend that I wasn't feeling well enough to spend as much quality time with my baby

I felt guilty- oh good grief- I felt guilty about a lot of stuff I felt guilty that I wanted breaks from my baby I felt guilty that I couldn't spend as much time with my husband that I wanted too I had a lot of guilt yes hopelessness

no I didn't have hopelessness loss of interest or pleasure in activities yes so I've always been into yoga and I lost an interest in doing yoga I lost interest in walking

I love to walk and I love to hike- basically yeah I lost some interest in things I normally enjoy dinging mood swings yes mood swings but I feel like mood swings -you guys -I feel like mood swings are just -you know -a hormonal thing after pregnancy anyways and throughout a woman's life yes? panic attacks no I did not experience any panic attacks

crying, irritability, or restlessness yes I cried a lot but I feel like that also comes with just giving birth as well that your hormones are fluctuating and so yeah I cried a lot but I also wasn't just crying because of hormones I feel like I was crying because I was sad irritability yeah I was irritable restlessness

I don't know that I was Restless fear or repeatedly going over thoughts yes I was repeatedly going over my thoughts I'd think something and think it again and second-guess myself That kind of thing

fear fear Was I scared of anything?Did I have a fear? I don't think I was fearful about anything fatigue or loss of appetite yes I was exhausted but at first- you know- I thought that was just regular exhaustion from caring for a newborn

You know when you struggle to get out of bed and you just lay on the couch all day? even with your baby? loss of appetite I don't remember having a loss of appetite lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts um I didn't have unwanted thoughts I just knew that I did not feel like myself

lack of concentration I felt like that comes with caring for- a normal symptom of caring for- our baby and being sleep-deprived so I know I had that one weight gain or weight loss is another symptom um I mean I feel like I had your regular amount of weight loss I certainly lost the weight quicker with my first child so I didn't experience any weight gain

and then also common, it says is, insomnia is the last symptom I didn't have insomnia I'm pretty sure I didn't because I was trying to catch up on a lot of sleep How did I know I was depressed? You guys, it took me eight months to actually admit that I was depressed and that was after my husband kind of told me that I was not acting myself and was sad And then I went to my regular doctor for check-ups and just told her -you know -hey I don't quite feel like myself

I'm sad I sleep a lot She asked me- you know- all these questions to do with the symptoms that we just went over She asked me questions about those kind of things You know was I doing things that I enjoyed? no I wasn't doing things I enjoyed

I just felt like I was on call all the time with a baby and if I was doing anything that was remotely interesting to myself then I felt extreme guilt over not spending that time with my baby or my husband I also had this desire to not get out of the house so I didn't hang out with friends I didn't want to make new friends I pretty much spent those first eight months confined in the house I did occasionally see one friend

I can't remember if that was before or after treatment I never experienced a desire to hurt myself or hurt my baby But I know that that sometimes can be a symptom of postpartum depression so if you are experiencing that -because of course throughout this whole video I am NOT a healthcare professional I'm just a mom telling you my experience with postpartum depression so if you are experiencing any of these symptoms please please please tell somebody and go see your family doctor

Being depressed I felt lonely I felt stressed It's hard having a new baby and so I felt everything was on me even though my husband was there to help Everything came down to me Like I was so responsible for this human being- you know? keeping this baby alive is a lot of pressure you know? and we were living out in the country and so I didn't have any friends that weren't 45 minutes away

My closest friend was 45 minutes away You know I didn't feel like I could talk at that time with my husband because he was pastoring a church When my son was first born I worked for six to eight months so I was still working but I was working part time so I was seeing other people but I think between the stress of the job and the stress of having a newborn and trying to balance everything I think that all contributed to the postpartum depression That's my experience If you are dealing with postpartum depression I feel for you

You aren't alone Many many many women experience this and it's not the end of the world It's not something to be ashamed of so certainly seek help if you need it So how did I overcome this postpartum depression? well that's gonna be in the next video yes I'm gonna make you wait till next week so make sure to come back next week for my story about how I overcame depression

and then the week after that the third video will be "Am I Depressed Now?" after having baby girl Am I depressed? stay tuned for that thanks so much for watching today's video don't forget to subscribe and I will see you next Tuesday thanks for watching bye!

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