Parenting Fail Self Care Fail

Okay, today has been a complete parenting fail and failure to take care of myself so that I can be a better parent My son's been sick a lot recently

Every winter, every spring, he gets sick A LOT I've taken him to doctors Still, he gets sick Every year he starts out in the fall getting straight A's, and then in the spring he has to do a whole bunch of catch up because of his absences Well, now he's in high school, and he's in like hard core International Baccalaureate and AP classes

I mean all honors classes And, today last week he was sick

Yesterday he went to school, but he didn't do all of his homework He said he had it under control He didn't He asked to wake up early this morning to complete an English project Wasn't able to do the project

Curled up in a ball Didn't want to do it Said he was tired My husband said he was up all night awake I don't know what the deal is there

But, he kept on falling asleep, curling up in a ball, wouldn't get up, wouldn't wake up, wouldn't do the homework, wouldn't get ready for school So, I just smacked him with my hand Wrong Abusive I gave him a smack sideways

Hit his arm He started to cry Okay, you're awake Do your homework Get ready for school

We've got to go You can't miss school Not doing your homework is not an excused absence I can't take you to the doctor for an excuse for not doing your homework Because at this point I have to take him to the doctor every FUCKING time he is absent from school because he is beyond the allotted absences

Okay He cries He crawls up into a more tighter he is in a little fetal ball I swat his bottom I hit him again I say, you've got to go to school I don't care you're not done with this project

I'm going to print it out as is I don't care if it's not done You can't not go to school You can't miss your first period in order to do the homework for your second period You have to go to school

So I took him to school He's distraught He ignores me He I walk, because I want to go to see the guidance counselor or somebody about the whole situation because I'm just out of my wits I go He ignores me all the way to class walking from the car He walks a different way

I go to the guidance counselor I tell her the situation, the history We take a look at what his teachers recommended for next year Two teachers recommended honors classes – in the classes that aren't even his best classes, like English, his class that he just is really hard for him to do, is like pulling teeth He writes beautifully, but getting up in front of people and reading what he writes and writing very intense, metaphorical stuff – not so easy for him So, he's in this, like, advanced class, that he probably doesn't belong So he's

They recommend that They recommend another AP History They recommend the honors English

Math, though, his best subject, now recommended regular Algebra 2 Because he's getting a C because he's been absent Fuck I don't actually care He can be in all regular classes

But it makes no sense for him to be in honors classes on the classes that are most difficult for him, or at least not in the classes that he has the most passion for, but has missed the most Oh, he's missed them all But, you know, I mean, you can read something, you can do your history But, you really, if the teacher teaches something differently than the book is And, honors geometry, he keeps on saying the teacher teaches it differently than the technique in the book

And, when my husband tries to teach it, my husband's an engineer, the way that he teaches it to people Whatever So, major fail

I'm completely distraught I blew up this evening at my husband over this whole situation Guidance counselor says maybe independent study, maybe a smaller private school, maybe, you know, whatever different options Get him assessed by the psychologist Get him special ed

Kid has been in treatment since he was four years old I'm fed up I'm fed up

Fed up with taking him to doctors I will keep on taking him to his psychiatrist and to a psychologist I will do what I can to try and get him well, but I am so fed up I am so fed up with trying to drag this kid to school I am so fed up with trying to drag him to do homework

I am so fed up with setting limits around video playing when he gets so obsessed I'm just done

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