What Is The Most Effective Parenting Style

Welcome back Today we're going to talk about what is the most effective parenting style

For those of you that are parents, I'm sure that you have experienced in your relationship with your spouse or partner, situations in which you've had a disagreement about how to handle a situation with your child Now think about it, you know how do we learn to be parents? We're not really taught, I mean there are some parenting classes and things like that are offered but those are usually things that individuals have to seek out But most of us just grow up in our family and in our world and as we become older and adults, many of us have the desire to create a family and to have children And generally, that's people that have had either a good life themself A good up green upbringing or maybe you didn't have such a good life

But you want to create a better life for the children that you are able to bring into this world and to raise But most of us, then learn to be parents just through our own experiences and we were either raised and parented in ways that we agree with and if we agree with it then we just think that that's probably the best way to be a parent because it worked for us Or we had experiences in our own upbringing do we disagreed with that we didn't like and so we make a decision that as a parent, I will never do that because I didn't like it and it didn't work for me So instead I will do this But if you remember, most of our beliefs, we create at a subconscious level, many of us don't consciously think about or I guess ways or decisions that we've made of parenting

We don't necessarily question that there are other ways Some of us might but a lot of us it's just the subconscious belief that this works and this doesn't work And because it's at that subconscious level, oftentimes we think it's just common sense and that anybody would see it the way the we see it So some people may believe that the best way to discipline a child is to spank them Other parents may believe that I would never spank my child

That would be the worst thing that you could do as discipline But if I grew up with the one belief that spanking works, I may think everybody else thinks the same way that I do And if I believe that spanking doesn't work and I would never spank, I may believe that everybody sees things and believes things the way that I do Now those are kind of more extreme examples of disciplineBut most people when they come together and they decide to get married and to have a family, they don't usually talk about all of the different situations and one of it is because they may not know all of the situations that are going to come up and so it wouldn't even cross my mind to talk about that

You know for an example, let's say that I grew up in a family and and I was a quote good kid who never got into any trouble Didn't make any real significant, negative choices Never got in trouble with the law, never used drugs, alcohol those kinds of things I may not think about well how would I deal with a child that has those behaviors or exhibits those behaviors because in my mind I may have a belief that my child would never do that because I never did that So there are a lot of situations that may arise in the course of raising children that never even occurred to you before you had children in that situation arose

Well here's the interesting thing because oftentimes, we want to know the answers you know We want to know what's the best way you know What's going to work in this situation, what's going to work in this situation So we kind of look for that authoritative voice of you know what is the research say, what is the experts say, what is the one way of doing this? Well in parenting, that's pretty tough to do In fact, in dealing with people that is oftentimes tough to do

That's the cool thing about this YouTube channel where we're all about principle-based living because that is the one thing in life that holds true with all individuals and all relationships because principles don't change They just operate and are consistent all of the time And if we understand those and our behavior is in alignment with principles, then we know that that's going to work But there are many other things like values and preferences and things when we try to violate a principle For example as a parent, oftentimes we think that it's our responsibility and society kind of puts this on us too

But it's our responsibility to control our children The truth is we can't control them and you can look at that from from day one you know when a child is born into this world, we still don't have complete control over them even from birth You know we can't make them stop crying, we can't make them eat, you know there are certain things that they have control over So if I have a belief as a parent that it's my responsibility to control my child, I'm going to behave in a ordnance with that belief and I'm going to run into some problems at some point because that is a violation of principle Our children are really the only ones that can control themselves

Everything else is influenced So here's the the biggest help that I'm going to give you in today's today's discussion about parenting The truth is there isn't one best way or most effective way of parenting So if you're in a relationship with someone right now where you're having disagreements, about whether we should do this or whether we should do this and the thing is, in these situations our beliefs are strongly held and very difficult to let go of because this has to do with our child And our belief is that you know if we don't do the right thing, then our child may end up making poor choices and do something to significantly harm themselves or negatively affect their life or even take their life

And so, it is very important and it's tough to let go of those beliefs But here's what happens So we've got two parents here trying to raise a child and we've got one parent and I'm going to just say let's go with we'll say a controlling parent and a very permissive parent So this parent pretty much wants to let their child make their own choices and experience the consequences of their choices and learn from those consequences This parent wants to take more control and make sure that their child makes better choices to avoid those negative consequences that may occur by them making their own choices

When you have two parents like that, and this parent is trying to exert the control, this person sees and feels the control of this parent They're going to move further along the spectrum of this direction of being more permissive because they're going to try to compensate from the parent that is controlling And as this parent moves further in this direction, now when this parent sees this parent not holding them accountable and being more permissive, they're going to move further in this direction So what happens as parents is we get further and further and further apart and more polarized in our beliefs and it all comes down to the belief that I'm right and this person is wrong or I'm right and and this person is wrong Well if we can move away from that belief of right and wrong, and we get to we both just want what is best for our child and in this situation we can look at you know I don't have control over my child

We have influence So maybe the control won't work But let's say this person just can't let go of the control Well here's the interesting that thing that the research is borne out research shows that a permissive parenting style is not necessarily more effective than a controlling parenting style and it's found that a controlling parenting style is not necessarily more effective than a permissive parenting style

I believe that comes down to the fact that another principle is we all have choice So our children have a choice as to how they are going to respond to the discipline that they experience in their homes But here's what the research has shown So neither one of the styles is necessarily more effective than the other But what they have found is that when you have parents that are split, so you have one that is over here and one that is over here, that that is less effective than when you have two parents that are over here permissive or two parents over here being controlling

If you want what is best for your child, the best thing that you can do is come together as parents Come to an agreement because that ultimately is about the two of you and about what your beliefs are And again if I can go underneath that, and try to figure out what are my beliefs based on, where are they coming from and in this case I would say be willing to look at that research because what happens is when we split, now that gives our child an opportunity not to focus on them and their behavior but to do things to try to influence us to move further and further apart Now our focus oftentimes is not on the child But we now we're focusing on each other and fighting each other, creating more stress in our own relationships and ultimately creating a situation in where there really is no control in the family

We have the child who is kind of creating this how to control environment and as parents we're allowing it because we can't even come together ourselves So I hope this has been helpful to you that you'll consider it and look at it because I know this can be one of the most challenging and difficult thing as parents is when we're not together and we are so invested in our way of doing things It clouds our vision and ultimately it does not benefit our children So spend some time with your spouse or partner Come together and see if you can't come up with the plan where you can be unified and then come together in a unified approach with your child and see if that won't change the relationship and ultimately influence your children to make better choices in their own life

Thanks for watching I hope that this information is beneficial and useful to you If you'd like to know more, visit us a principle based living You'll see our website listed below

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